From Loneliness to Aloneness

 

 

Loneliness is the nature of our being it is our very existence. Pure aloneness is our nature. 

 We were born alone and we will die alone. The truth of the matter is we are all orphans but paradoxically we belong to the whole.  How could this be? Even when other people are physically present one may ask? It is our own individual soul that can only go through this process without the presence of another human being.

There have been many times in my life while being in a room full of people and yet feeling so alone. I am sure many have experienced this. It’a a deep emptiness inside that no one can fulfill no matter how hard we try. 

In Buddhism there is a term called "hungry ghosts”. It is that insatiable desire to continuously chase desires without ever feeling satisfied. We go one chasing things one thing after another to try and fill the void. We set goals and big achievements and once we arrive, we still do not feel content or fulfilled. So we once again set new goals like a rabbit chasing the preverbal carrot. 

We are conditioned to run after things, a college degree, status, wealth, marriage, children, grandchildren, retirement, etc. All the while saying ‘when I achieve this then I will be happy’. By the time we are half through our life we have achieved everything except happiness. Just like the hungry ghost we keep trying to fill ourselves up with distractions to avoid sitting with our aloneness. We fill it with various forms and addictions. Food, sex, TV, drugs, alcohol, toxic relationships, shopping, drama, internet, gossiping, the list is endless. We run from one thing to the next trying to fill our loneliness.

Our whole search is really to avoid asking who are we? 

You're seeking union with ourselves.

We are trying to connect with our true being.
 

When we become love, we radiate and attract only love. The old cliche of 

"you have to love yourself first” is very true. Only by taking and spending time alone can we go within ourselves and reflect on who we really are. We are the source of our existence and it is here where our true nature lies. We have everything we need and beyond inside of us. One way to tap into our inner being is through meditation. This is where communion with atman (soul) happens. 

We are looking to others to complete ourself. When in essence we are total and complete but we have just forgotten. 

Have you ever noticed what attracts you to others? Their good qualities and attributes. The things we love about others are the parts that we have yet to discover. 

An interesting observation: the things that we loved about our partner in the beginning later turn out to be the things that drive us crazy. It is because we have not yet developed these qualities and are projecting our resentment on to them.

 For example, maybe we are an introvert and on the quiet side and our partner is very outgoing and social. However, later on in the relationship they very fact that our partner talks all the time and to everyone is really starting to get on our nerves. If we really look in and be honest with ourself we will see that secretly inside we wish we could be more talkative and friendly with strangers. 

Or maybe they have a ‘great work ethic’ but later on that somehow turns into ‘they don’t have enough time for me’. 

All we need to do is realize that we too posses these great qualities and they just need to be expressed by us through the living authentically.

All these qualities we posses or want to posses as our own. They are inside us we just need to cultivate them. 

Whenever we are going through a period of loneliness look at it as a great opportunity to heal, expand and grow. Endure the pain of loneliness. Don’t try to suppress it. Just witness it and let it pass on it’s own. You will see that you will give birth to yourself. Even though it is painful, go through it. Don’t resist it. It will liberate you. From here you will enter the space of alone ness which is vast and eternal. 

To reach satisfaction in all


desire its possession in nothing,

To come to the knowledge of all

desire the knowledge of nothing.

To come to possess all

desire the possession of nothing.

To arrive at being all

desire to be nothing.

— St. John of the Cross